you can see, she can sew

{} The bag is a big hit sweetheart! Nobody even believes that I did it... They asked if I used some kind of kit.
{} Yes! In their faces! I'm so happy for you.

lewis is put out about it

» Is that a "Lewis" Oh boy or an "I just found ten dollars in my pocket" Oh boy?
» I think you know the answer to that. The latter is almost always followed by an exclamation point and almost never preceded by "Lewis said."

new pizza president takes action

I saw Sensei yesterday for the first time since his wedding.
Was he walking around without his wife?
His wife was sick. I stopped by his house to take away his pizza club shirt.

sometimes the best pat is an absent pat

• That guy's got a droopy eyelid.
• It's a fake eye.
• No it's not!
• Yes it is!
• No you don't!
• ??
• Um... you don't know that.

now that i talk to 12-year-olds

Have you ever had ranch sauce on pizza?
Actually, yeah, I have. A number of times.
It's disgusting!
I think it can be pretty good sometimes, depending on the pizza.
I know the kid that invented it.
Oh, really?
Yeah, he was the type of kid who would dip a cookie in barbecue sauce.

understanding the family dog

• Why do you hate me?
• It's not that I hate you; it's just that, when you do certain things, you look really stupid.

first blood botch

» It was my first time giving blood.
» Ooh, I love giving blood! How was it?
» It was okay, I guess. Not great.
» Really? I like pumping that blood out as fast as possible.
» Well, the thing is, it took forever. Those hotshot Walburg Brothers showed up like 10 minutes after I did, and they still got out of there before I even donated a drop of blood.
» What happened?
» So, first, I guess I wasn't in the right line so a few people edged me out that way, but I still went in before the Walburgs. I took my little test and was seated with reasonable speed, but then I kept getting passed off from volunteer to volunteer. While my nurses were telling people to come watch me for a sec, the Walburgs were being seated and hooked up. Finally, my original nurse came back and apologized for the wait. Then she plugged a needle into my left arm, but she was all, "Kim can you come over here?"
» Oh no.
» So, I didn't dare look at my arm, but apparently the needle was in yet no blood was coming out. Then Kim tries adjusting the needle and they're both like, "eep." At that point I look at my arm and it's pretty well covered in blood.
» Oh man.
» I'm getting a little worried, and they start asking me if I'm alright, and I can only tell them "if you say I'm alright then I'm alright," and they say I'm alright. And I was. So then they switched me to a different chair and did my right arm, but by the time I was switching to my new chair, those hotshot Walburg Brothers were already done and out the door.