girl power

You did some impressive things in my dream last night, including a quadruple backflip from the pulpit landing in a seated position on a pew — amidst a full congregation no less!
Whoa. That is pretty impressive. It's all because I talked to that girl.

i was taught to call them pissants

I've got ants in my plants!
In the basil?!
Yes! Ants!
What do we do?!
I don't know. For now I have removed the pot from the windowsill and placed it in a presumably ant-proof zone.
How did ants get 2 floors up and find that basil? Are there ants anywhere else in your house?
Never been ants here before.
Oh dear... do you think we will have to get rid of the plant or maybe transplant it to another location outside?
I just don't know anymore... It's getting so big and anty that it will almost certainly require a plan of action soon.

click text below to follow my latest life

Do you still have a mustache?
I woke up and it was gone!

which would also explain the amplification

Why do people put a fist in front of their mouth when coughing? It does nothing!
Only if they pucker their lips into their fist will it work.
This lady, one of the SEOs I hate, has been coughing WAY too loud, so I was spying and seeing what she was doing wrong, and it's that she is coughing onto a fist that she holds about 6 inches in front of her mouth.
Like she's holding an imaginary microphone to cough into?
Exactly.

this isn't rocket science

So, help me out here. What's the opposite of rocket science?
Like, actual rocket science, or the term rocket science?
Well, the term, but I think you have to go somewhat literal to figure it out.
[conversation too long and twisty and funny to duplicate here]
...So crudely drawn buffalo is the opposite of rocket science!
Yeah! Rocket science is the discipline of launching people and objects away from earth and it is only possible to the most advanced minds.
And crudely drawn buffalo is painted on the wall of a cave, within the earth, by the most degenerate mind.

may as well make it a tribute

1. How long have you known Bruce and in what capacity?
I've known 4-Slyce Bruce for nearly 8 years now. We served as LDS missionaries in Bulgaria. We attended BYU together and spent a semester as roommates during that time. We've been faithful members of the selfsame Pizza Club for 4 years now (thus the nickname "4-Slyce"). And we're good friends.
2. How would you say he deals in cross-cultural situations?
4-Slyce is, no joke, probably the best "people person" that I know. Cultural differences can't touch him; he simply transcends them. He has a social network the size of Olympus Mons and—though predominantly white—its constituents come from all sorts of cultures and countries. Answer: He deals very well.
3. How would you say he navigates challenges?
A humble man, 4-Slyce is not afraid to seek advice from any of his many knowledgeable sources. That is his strength. He will always find a way to navigate his challenges even if it means involving a friend or family member.
4. Do you feel that there are any “red flags” that we should be aware of?
Nah. This is 4-Slyce Bruce we're talking about, after all.

from the mouths of babes

If you weren’t a Mormon, what would you be?
Hmm. I don't know. Maybe I wouldn't be too different—because I can't stand irresponsibility.
(correct answer: a giant)
Well, I know I certainly wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't be in the same place I am now.
Yeah, true, I guess I wouldn't be the same person I am.
Ah ha. I know exactly what I'd be if I weren’t a Mormon.
What?
A recluse.
Like a hermit?
Yeah. I would live a solitary life—probably growing bitter toward humanity as I brooded and wrote my misunderstood stories and songs.
Oh, you'd be one of those.
Yep.
I'd probably be out looking for old, nearly dead, rich guys to marry.
A grave robber?
A gold digger. You were close.