since i reserved the right

It slid out of my bag and I just let it go when I realized that my socks didn't match, and I decided I better just get to the meeting—

—The fasten-seatbelt sign is on, so it's safe for you to stay seated as well as those around you.

getting married guy

i went shopping for my ring yesterday. it was hard because i had no idea what a cool ring is.
it's hard to know.
yeah, because rings aren't cool.
you might as well be trying to pick out a cool necklace.

all day shopping

º There are so many ugly tops in the world.

º And they all want you to wear them.

* Alternate ending: And they all want you to spin them.

chadder's

—I just looked—I don't think they gave you any cheese!

—Those cads! More like Cadders.

konik polne

1. I drove all the way to work with a grasshopper on my dashboard. It was making me so nervous.

2. I should think it would be a nerve-tantalizing affair. At any moment it could have fluttered into a claustrophobic frenzy, slapping your face at least once, guaranteed, probably just to the side of your mouth making you realize that you should keep your mouth closed while freaking out.