Whoa, mom

::: So you came down here to switch James for Jason?
::: I came down here for a race and a hotdog.

EVEREADY

: What's your favorite animal?
:: Man, I always forget.
::: Do I remember you once saying it was the mountain goat?
:::: Oh yeah. Yes. The mountain goat. I can't believe how it runs around on cliffs like that.
::: My favorite animal is Eveready Cat.
:: Oh, that battery cat with 9 lives that bounces back for extra life?
: Yeah. It recovers power between uses.

Infinite in Finite

Q—How can something infinite like the atonement happen in a finite period of time?
A—It takes an infinite being.

Q—How can something that lasts forever like a Craftsman wrench be made in a matter of hours?
A—Some guy and some machines probably.

When I Was a Teenager...

::»Look, all I'm getting at is . . . I've never met anyone like you. So you can take that for whatever it's worth.
::::»I think I can safely say I've never met anyone like you, either.
::»You haven't, have you.

adventitious

: i'm sorry.
:: no hard feelings. feelings are as soft as ever.
::: soft like downfeathers?
:::: yes. how is work?
::::: Jon has a job where he's on messenger and sometimes he tells me secrets.
:::::: it's his job to be on messenger? sweet.
::::::: PART of his job. come one. come all. come on.
:::::::: well, still. want to hear an awesome word?
::::::::: can I hear it?
::::::::: if you say it out loud: adventitious.
:::::::: i did. crazy.
::::::: i like it. it's new. trying to use it is hard though.
:::::: yeah. I probably won't. You should put it in a fun tongue twister or something.
::::: making up clever rhymes and/or ditties is not my forte, unfortunately.
:::: make it a story about a girl named Tricia trick-or-treating maybe. and nutrition should be in there. Little Tricia trick-or-treating . . .
::: carry on. . .
:: I'm stuck.
:little tricia trick-or-treating, adventitious, no nutrition, go back home, back to the kitchen

Picking up Chicks

~~Don't ever turn thirty. Or even go through pu-berty.
~~~~Don't talk to me dirty.
~~~~~~I'm just trying to be flirty.
~~~~~~~~Get off my pro-perty. You're too wordy and nerdy.

Fearing & Hoping

-Is it possible for your greatest fear to be your greatest hope?
--Is it possible for your greatest fear to not be your greatest hope?
---Yes. Obviously.
----Okay. Now back to your question. What is your greatest fear?
-----To lose my will to hypnotists.
------Is that your greatest hope?
-------No. Not even close. But sometimes I have fears that I see on the flipside as hopes.
--------Like what?


---------Yeah. Like what?

censored and banned

(A brilliant dialogue about colors, flavors and exclusive terminology that culminated with a TV show called Slaved by the Bell)

Banana//Paper Clip

-I'm gonna stab my banana with this paper clip right before I eat it.
--Okay.
---Because It's just gonna be a tiny hole anyway and I'm gonna eat it right after. Unless you do.
----I won't.
---But do you want to?
--Kind of.
-We can share. I'll stab it twice. Or do you want to stab your side by yourself?
--Does my side have to be stabbed?
---I think so.
----I'll do it myself.

Biggest Day

—Yesterday was the biggest day ever!
——How big?
———As big as my dad!
————How big is your dad?
—————Thirty-Six!
——————whoa.