I hate you, Ken.
Well, you didn't get me ice cream.
You didn't ask for ice cream—
You coulda thought about me.
—and you're on a diet.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
takotsubo cardiomyopathy
Wow, some friend I am. I guess I'm just all talk these days. But seriously, last night was the stupidest thing I've been a part of.
Was that an apology?
Yes. Seems like I have to apologize every day.
Hey, crazy stuff happens, what do you do?
Just apologize, then send your friends to work in their nicest or dirtiest clothes.
Job well done then.
Was that an apology?
Yes. Seems like I have to apologize every day.
Hey, crazy stuff happens, what do you do?
Just apologize, then send your friends to work in their nicest or dirtiest clothes.
Job well done then.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
in its place
• more personal?
• more inspirational at least
• yes
• preferably both
• oh! sincere!
• of course, how could i forget
• more inspirational at least
• yes
• preferably both
• oh! sincere!
• of course, how could i forget
Friday, April 18, 2008
assonance, consonance, alliteration
They usually give things like silk shirts.
They gave me cowboy boots.
That's not too different a gift for the Giffords to give.
I guess.
They gave me cowboy boots.
That's not too different a gift for the Giffords to give.
I guess.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
off the hook—a tribute
) How does that make you feel?
) Off the hook.
) Like, "man, that party was off the hook!"?
) No. No, no, no. Well, yes, I suppose like that... but I mean I am literally off the hook. Now that Runnerka has that boyfriend and Cheeks has her fiancé, I think I get to be guiltless.
) Literally, no more meat hook in your back. Making you bleed literal blood.
) No more Eagle Claw treble hook in my gullet.
) So you are feeling good about all that.
) I am feeling good about all that, and jealous about all them.
NOTE: gullet kind of sounds like guilt, so... make a metaphor out of that?
) Off the hook.
) Like, "man, that party was off the hook!"?
) No. No, no, no. Well, yes, I suppose like that... but I mean I am literally off the hook. Now that Runnerka has that boyfriend and Cheeks has her fiancé, I think I get to be guiltless.
) Literally, no more meat hook in your back. Making you bleed literal blood.
) No more Eagle Claw treble hook in my gullet.
) So you are feeling good about all that.
) I am feeling good about all that, and jealous about all them.
NOTE: gullet kind of sounds like guilt, so... make a metaphor out of that?
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
scab city fiction
“You just wakin’, Thick? Tell us about scab city.”
“Scab city is hell.”
“Population: 100?”
“Population: at least.”
“Scab city is hell.”
“Population: 100?”
“Population: at least.”
Friday, April 4, 2008
business practice
) They just hired 2 new non-4-Slyces.
) They are just loading up on non-4-Slyces.
) This is ridiculous. And there's no space for them. Everyone keeps going nuts trying to figure out where they will sit and I keep telling them that there would be plenty of room for all if we had just hired 1 4-Slyce instead of 5 girls.
) Sheesh. Hiring everybody but 4-Slyce.
) I am thinking that he didn't get hired because he's a boy.
) That's not good business practice. We've been hiring lots of girls too, instead of boys that can play soccer with us and that won't cause affairs.
) I just asked out loud if they are only hiring girls on purpose and they said "that's discriminating," but I think that's what they are thinking—that clients like dealing with girls better, or something like that.
) Surely. I don't like dealing with girls better. I like it worse. Much, much worse.
) Me too. I can't fathom how much more enjoyable work would be with 4-slyce here. I know everyone would love him. And he could ask the 5 girls on dates all day long. Like ALL day.
) They are just loading up on non-4-Slyces.
) This is ridiculous. And there's no space for them. Everyone keeps going nuts trying to figure out where they will sit and I keep telling them that there would be plenty of room for all if we had just hired 1 4-Slyce instead of 5 girls.
) Sheesh. Hiring everybody but 4-Slyce.
) I am thinking that he didn't get hired because he's a boy.
) That's not good business practice. We've been hiring lots of girls too, instead of boys that can play soccer with us and that won't cause affairs.
) I just asked out loud if they are only hiring girls on purpose and they said "that's discriminating," but I think that's what they are thinking—that clients like dealing with girls better, or something like that.
) Surely. I don't like dealing with girls better. I like it worse. Much, much worse.
) Me too. I can't fathom how much more enjoyable work would be with 4-slyce here. I know everyone would love him. And he could ask the 5 girls on dates all day long. Like ALL day.
with long hair
} That's you?
) Yeah.
} Really??
) Yep.
} That one right there, that's you??
) Yes.
} ... No way. That one??
) No. Not that manly one—
) —Isn't that your mom?
) Oh yeah, I guess it is.
) Yeah.
} Really??
) Yep.
} That one right there, that's you??
) Yes.
} ... No way. That one??
) No. Not that manly one—
) —Isn't that your mom?
) Oh yeah, I guess it is.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
tracker
) maybe you should consider a career in tracking of some sort.
} if by "a career in tracking" you mean "a career in spending the night in dinosaur tracks" then consider it considered.
} if by "a career in tracking" you mean "a career in spending the night in dinosaur tracks" then consider it considered.
soccer fan lesson fan
} They need to get a result, or only lose by one, and that not occurring in injury time.
) Only lose by one?? Is that what this once proud club has devolved into? It doesn't matter if we lose by one or five. It's all about the result at this point. PPG. Nothing else. The Kreis clock is ticking, and no "moral losses" will help.
} You know what? I say screw that. I follow the team because I like soccer, and I like the idea that I have a team to support, and if I think the team played well I reserve my right to be perfectly happy with a 1-point road loss to a team that may well be the best in the league. Especially with a group of guys who met in February. Screw that "culture of defeat" and "moral losses" crap and allow me a modicum of liberty in determining how good I perceive the product on the field to be. I think (and I don't want to blow anyone's mind or anything, but I'm crazy like this) that I could even be unhappy with a 1-0 win if I thought we played sloppy ball and lucked our way into an odd goal. How's them apples? Unhappy with 3 crap points, but satisfied with an occasional well-played loss? Hell yeah. If that makes me a bad soccer fan (don't give me crap about it being "a way of life" in other places, because I just don't care), then so be it, but please don't tell me how to judge my team.
) Only lose by one?? Is that what this once proud club has devolved into? It doesn't matter if we lose by one or five. It's all about the result at this point. PPG. Nothing else. The Kreis clock is ticking, and no "moral losses" will help.
} You know what? I say screw that. I follow the team because I like soccer, and I like the idea that I have a team to support, and if I think the team played well I reserve my right to be perfectly happy with a 1-point road loss to a team that may well be the best in the league. Especially with a group of guys who met in February. Screw that "culture of defeat" and "moral losses" crap and allow me a modicum of liberty in determining how good I perceive the product on the field to be. I think (and I don't want to blow anyone's mind or anything, but I'm crazy like this) that I could even be unhappy with a 1-0 win if I thought we played sloppy ball and lucked our way into an odd goal. How's them apples? Unhappy with 3 crap points, but satisfied with an occasional well-played loss? Hell yeah. If that makes me a bad soccer fan (don't give me crap about it being "a way of life" in other places, because I just don't care), then so be it, but please don't tell me how to judge my team.
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