tallest dog on oprah

\/ the tallest dog in the world is on Oprah right now!
/\ is it measured in hands like a horse?
\/ it's measured in paws.
/\ cuuuute.
\/ and he rides on airplanes in real people seats.
/\ really? And he has a social security #? and SkyMiles? and his own pet dog?
\/ yeah.

ultimate intimate battle

# Who wins in the Ultimate Intimate Battle, beard or dreads?
# What?
# If a guy has a beard and a girl has dreads, and they get intimate, who wins that battle?
# I think it's dreads.
# Really? I never knew dreads were that tough.
# Oh yeah.
# Even if it's a giant lumberjack beard?
# Yeah. Because even that beard is maintained. I actually shampoo and condition my beard.

dude would like a dog

1_in all reality I never play videogames
2_i dont play them nearly as much as i fantisize about them
1_Yeah. I think all day about how sweet they are to play, but then I don't play them.
2_yes yes me too! i like having them though
1_yeah. you need to have them. If my brother wasn't married with a baby I know we would play nintendo every night
2_stupid marriages and babies. they ruin fun. and money
1_they leave no time for either
2_if it wasn't for wifes and kids, all the dudes of the world would be so rich and having so much fun all of the time. i think i want to buy a puppie
1_really??
2_yea i think about it alot
1_that is a wild thought. Do you think about which kind and stuff?
2_this one. the one in the purple shirt. but i dont know what kind
1_yeah, he is cool.
2_click "more views". its a mogwai i think
1_I always forget how much you like dogs in clothing
2_its amazing. that main dog on that page... the one modeling all the colors of shirts. seems like in every picture someone is yelling "bad dog!" at it. i hope so
1_yeah, either he has no tail, or is in so much trouble that it is between his legs. HE DOES HAVE A TAIL. BETWEEN HIS LEGS
2_he probably had no idea what he did to deserve having to be in a studio all day wearing different shirts with people yelling at him the whole time
1_that must have been a terrible day for him

that hill

I AM SEVERELY STUCK IN THE PAST
you don't look it
THANKS
you look like the here and now
IT'S MY MIND THAT CAN'T GET OVER THE PAST
maybe you are still learning from it
I HOPE. I HOPE I AM NOT JUST DWELLING. THAT PAST HILL IS A BIG DEAL.

from across the wall

» My computer just shut down.
» Oh, did you kick it at all?

every three years

} We were tiny children when we met. Little college kids.
) That is true. I've thought about that before.
} I think this was my first time.
) We were just teenie. Three years ago. Three years.
} Three burdensome years.
) Three aging years.
} Three milestone years.
) Three complicated years. Three boring years. Three replikated years. Three everything years.
} Three full years.
) Yep.
} How do you feel after those years?
) I feel like those 3 years were so full I can't even imagine how simple and tiny I must have been before they happened. And I kind of wish I would have stopped when I was simple and tiny. And I'm kind of glad that I didn't. And I hope there are more simple tiny years to come. And I wonder if in 3 years I'll think I was simple and tiny right now.
} That's hard to imagine right now.
) Yeah it is. But that's the kind of stuff that happens.
} I can't believe how much different I feel, but how the same I probably am.
) Yep. I feel better and worse.
} The world could be amazingly different in 3 more years. A new job, a new location, a spouse, a child?
) It could. Easily.
} No job, no house, no spouse, no child?
) Easily. Better? Worse? Who knows. But we're in charge of that. But we have no idea what what we're doing will do to those 3 years. So that's hard.
} It's kind of awesome. I like this perspective. I don't know why I feel like I'm in the middle of a 6-year sandwich.
) Because you are. I guess.
} I will start measuring in 3-year increments I guess. Feels like a good increment.
) It's not too final. Three years you can see effects. It's a good increment.
} You can gauge it from beginning to end, it's short enough.
) Yeah.
} Barely.

monday night football

"There was no flag on the play. I threw my flag instead of my beanbag."

time & the trains

1 I never knew it until lately, but I really like how the weather widget turns into a night sky when it gets dark out.
2 I like that too. I don't like how the real sky turns into a night sky before I even get off work though.
1 YES I HATE IT!!!! Its' all daylight savings' fault. I don't even understand. Both before and after daylight savings happened, it looks just like normal daytime in the morning. I feel like they should scoot the time forward so it's just barely light when I go to work, so I can have a day for the rest of the day.
2 Yeah, you don't need day for sleeping. That's what night is for.
1 What I am wondering is who is it for? Construction workers that go to work at 6am? I feel like time should accomodate the more classy white-collar workers. The 9-5ers.
2 I think it was invented for farmers. Which doesn't make sense since they just wake up at sunrise, no matter what time it's at.
1 Yeah, when the cock crows. And they are out on a farm, away from society. Time has no meaning to them.
2 Maybe it is for people who shop from the farmer's market, so they know when to show up.
1 I feel like the people that do that are like my grandma and have nothing going on their whole day except that. So I feel like they can just deal with it because they have all day to.
2 Obviously, whoever it's for doesn't need it or probably even appreciate it.
1 Don't trains hate it? And they have their own time that doesn't change with daylight savings? We should adapt to that. Train time.
2 That would be good.
1 My boss told me his theory today about Trax. He for reals thinks the city is extending it to try to hit bums with it. To separate them from the Gateway, and to eliminate some in the process.
2 I guess that's believable. You always need tracks to make sure that the undesirables live on the other side of them.
1 I really do imagine quite a few will get hit. They are all on drugs all the time. And it's 5 feet from them. Surely plenty of them will wander over there. When I see their exploded corpses I wonder if I will just think "gross!" like when I see a deer that's been run over, or if I will be really sad, like when I see a kitten run over.
2 You would do well to not get attached to any of them.

plant lady

1/2| The plant lady is dusting the plants!
2/2| Real plants?
1/2| Yes!
2/2| That is insane.
1/2| With a duster! Like a feather one. Do you have a plant lady?
2/2| Yeah, we have one.
1/2| This lady comes in like once a week and waters everything.
2/2| I have never seen them dust.
1/2| Next time your plant lady is in, you should tell her the plants look dusty.
2/2| I will complain how dusty they are. And cobwebby.
1/2| Her duster actually looked pretty dusty after she got done.
2/2| Do you know the genus of your plants? Mine look shiny, like maybe they were polished.
1/2| That's how the dusty one looks now. I have no idea what it is. Some sort of small tree with large shiny leaves. And now she's working on a big bamboo plant in the back.

talk down

dee: He talks to me like he's much much older, and like I am a young kid. He did ever since I started here. And after I was here for a while and I found out he's like the same age as me, it blew my mind. Inside i was like, "that kind of pisses me off, in retrospect." But I just came to accept that's how he is, and he doesn't mean any harm.

cee: I hate being talked down to. A lot.
dee: Yeah it sucks. I started just making fun of his church clothes to balance out the equation.

across the wall

cee: Conversations across the wall are often annoying.
dee: Especially when they're about makeup.
cee: Serious.
dee: I want to throw heavy things over the wall.

big shirt. every time

LL// Let's go play some volleyball!
TN// Are you coming?
LL// Yeah. I just decided. Don't try and change my mind.
TN// Sweet.
LL// What are you wearing? Shants and a big shirt?
TN// It's not BIG! Geez... Now I have to look at it. And it's a sweatshirt. It's supposed to be big.

the dead

^ What did you do with that day?
* Temple sealings.
^ In honor of Halloween?
* Yes. Work for the dead on Halloween.
^ The Day of the Dead. Makes sense.
* And the Day of the Dad.

what's that?

$ what's that picture?
¢ that's me.
$ you?
¢ yeah.
$ do you think the man will let you go?
¢ no. i don't think he will. he will take me somewhere else first i think.

blood is thicker than hotter than you are

≠ We need to form a band. You interested?
= Ha. yeah. We really should I guess. And we need to call it Worst Weather Weekend
≠ Why?
= I just like it.
≠ Kind of long.
= Or our name should start with A instead of The.
≠ A Worst Weather Weekend?
= Sure.
≠ How about Somebody's Gonna Die Tonight?
= That's already the name of a song.
≠ Okay.
= I really want us to finish writing the Gooshlings Theme Song.
≠ How about Freida Dalton?
= Not bad. Gordon Rules?
≠ I like Gordon Rules. Another song could be Rolls Make You Roll on the Ground.
= Ha. We have so many songs already: Metal Storm, Blackberry, Ladder of Life.
≠ It’s a start. Jesse and Stubby would also be a good name.
= Yeah it would. Larry Beard, too. Maybe people would think it's a Gnarls Barkley knock-off though.
≠ Benner Henner.
= Nus.
≠ Caught Me a Cricket. Sambo Yojimbo.
= Actually I think Sambo Yojimbo sounds way cool.
≠ Caught Me a Cricket could be a song and Sambo Yojimbo could be the name. I really like Sambo Yojimbo.
= K. We are officially Sambo Yojimbo. It's unanimous

i don't talk

to anyone anymore.

broonhead

oe// This is awesome, 4-Slyce. But do I have to have all that white crap around my head? Where's your white crap?

4// Yeah, I'm sorry man. I did your head first, then I got better at it. I guess that's my excuse. Maybe I'll fix it...

ninja head is replaced

// I am impressed with Ninja Head's customer support. The company that sold it to me won't answer emails, so i called the manufacturer and they said just cut the plug off it and send it in and I will instantly receive a free replacement.
\\ That is impressive, telling you to cut the plug off.
// Yeah, I was blown away at that.
\\ So, wait, they will send you a whole new Ninja Head, so you will have one that works with a plug AND one that doesn't work but is wireless?
// Yes. I think I will try to take all the guts out and make a ninja helmet.
\\ That is awesome how this is working out.
// Yeah so basically for my troubles I get one (1) free ninja helmet.

Ninja Head Is Dead

\\ So did your ninja head die the death?
// Yeah it's dead. I just plugged it back in after letting it rest all weekend. Still broken. I now have to take initiative.
\\ That's a terrible lifespan. But I guess a head with no body can't survive long.
// Yeah I guess 3 days is all you could expect for having no heart.

dirty collars w/simultaneous

^-^ What did you learn about removable collars?
^.^ How they were popular because you could starch them separate. And blue collar workers and white collar workers came from them.
^-^ Didn't the dad on Peter Pan have one?
^.^ Hmmmm. They were invented when some noble lady cut one off and washed it then sewed it back on.
^-^ Why didn't she just wash the whole shirt?
^.^ I don't know. Maybe just the collar was dirty. And she hadn't enough water.
^-^ Collars do get way more dirty than the rest.
^.^ Yeah. I hate it. I can't believe my neck makes collars so brown.
^-^ Yea I get grossed out at myself for doing that to collars. How do our necks get so dirty??? They don't touch anything, it makes no sense.
(((((((((((simultaneous)))))))))))
^.^ I imagine hair oils are just dripping down our necks all day.
^-^ It can only mean we are secreting brown crap out of our necks.
(((((((((((back to normal)))))))))))
^-^ Just drippy with hair sap.
^.^ It's truly gross.

instant messenger magic®

][ How old is that boy?
[] 25.
][ I thought he felt like a peer.
[] And he is.
][ Know what a sweet IM tool would be? One that let's you mess with already sent messages. I would go in and change the 'p' to 'qu' and you would still be stuck with your 'and he is' response.
[] Ha. Patent that.
#############
][ How old is that boy?
[] 25.
][ I thought he felt like a queer.
[] And he is.
][ Oh man! I am going to tell him you said that!

water cooler talk

... Our water cooler says "It's not bottled...It's SUPERIOR." And the brand is Superior Water Products.

... But you see no jug of water?

... No. Because it's not bottled. Or jugged either probably.

...

... I just lifted the top off and the jug is a big green plastic tank cube, looks kind of like a gas can maybe.

... I just looked at mine. Aspen Technologies. And it activates the water with oxygen. And I realized there is a water hose leading from the back. So I think it involves no bottles or jugs. It's a water purifier.

... Ohhh. There is a tiny hose that goes from ours to the wall too, but it seems too small for water.

... Yeah, thats ours.

... Like a quarter-inch diameter.

... Yes yes!

undesirable adults

(_Tyler is trying to destroy Mr. Snickerdoodles.
(_Trying to banish his soul?
(_Yes. To the POUND. Where they pound animals. Nobody wants an adult cat.
(_Nobody wants an adult human either—out the door at age 18.
(_Adults are undesirable.

the song sung as a duet

1» I'm not perfect, I know I never will be.
2» No one's perfect, you know it's true.
1» Sisters and brothers, even dads and mothers—
2» —all make mistakes, and so do you.

the fish or the beauty

•• Of course the fish, what else?
-- The beauty.
•• Ohhh. The beauty. You know that beauty? You don't.
-- No. I don't.
•• No one does.
-- Someone does.
•• Yeah, I guess so. I do.
-- No. You don't, either.
•• Nah. You're right.
-- How can we meet her?

Whales ≠ or = Brains

:: How big is a blue whale's brain? Same as pigeon? Or the size of this room? (this is a big room)
:::: Probably big, right? Whales are fairly smart.
:: But if what they say is true, if it was proportionately larger, they would have to be insanely smarter than people.
:::: Sperm whale has the largest brain in the world I read.
:: That means it's smartest, right?
:::: True. That would be way smarter than Stephen Hawking.
:: Spencer told me he found a google video of Stephen Hawking floating in space.
:::: Haha.
!:: I can't beleive a sperm whale's name.]
!:::: Especially for such a serious whale it has a joke name.]
!:: Are sperm whales' sperm all huge? the size of tadpoles or fish?]
!:::: I think tunas are sperm whale sperm.]
!:: Like you could take the sperm and put it in a fish tank and feed it? No need for fertilization?]
!:::: Or stingrays!]
!:: Hahaha of course. Crazy flat sperm. With deadly spikes.]
!:::: Yeah for sure.]
:::: This internet says that a blue whale brain weighed only 15 pounds.
:: Still way heavier than ours. Put together even.
:::: Yeah. I don't know how much mine weighs.
:: I guess it doesn't matter how smart you are if you have flippers for hands and live in the water where you can't talk. They could be geniuses and no one will ever know.
:::: That's true. Cursed geniuses.
:: Geniuses trapped in the bodies of beasts. If you have flippers you are screwed. You can't build anything. Or even sign language. You can't even pick your own barnacles off.
:::: And you can't own anything because you can't hold on to it.
:: Nothing is yours. Except your barnacles.
:::: We are lucky all those big brains are in the ocean or they would have our jobs.
:: Yea seriously. And their robots would have our jobs too.
:::: Ha. Yeah.
:: If they could just get as far as to build one robot that they could control, then all hell would break loose. That robot would become their hands, and build more robots for all the other whales. The whales would build great civilizations, all by the hands of robots.

Sennheisers

»»»»»
I'm inside my headphones.
»»»»»»»»»
Do you feel isolated and secure?
»»»»»»»»»»»»»
Yeah. Like there are two wombs on my ears.

king size

|| Can you imagine going to a king's house and everything being king size? I guess it's not that crazy to imagine.
== But awesome: candy bars, drinks, beds, Pringles obviously.
|| What would be cooler is if kings had King IDs and only they could purchase king size. And kids were always getting fake King IDs for the big candy bars.
== And the clerks would be like, hmmm, kid, you don't look like a king to me.

by plymouth

* Look what I bought!
* What is it, a Winnebago?
* It's a Plymouth BoatsBag!

some more

// We'll be making s'mores.

\\ Is it s'mores or schmores?

4 Slyces at least

4^ You couldn't have called at a better time. You'll never guess what I'm doing.
?^ Sailing?
4^ Even better.
?^ Getting married?
4^ Even better than getting married.
?^ Watching All Dogs Go to Heaven?
4^ No. Do you give up?
?^ Yeah.
4^ I'm in Chicago eating some of the best deep dish pizza.

help

%_% I feel like a blog is a cry for help.
%_% You really do?
%_% Yeah. Like a cry for attention and help.
%_% What makes you say that?
%_% What do you mean, what makes me say that? It's built for getting people to look at you and see what you think, and if you're really lucky, they will care enough to comment on it.
%_% I still don't get why that's a cry for help. Maybe it's a cry TO help.
%_% What does that mean?
%_% Like, maybe you know something helpful and you just want to tell people it so that they can help themselves with it, so you blog it out there.
%_% . . . I also think blogs are for girls.

elephants' feet

=== I can't believe elephants' feet.
===== Me neither, just pulverizing stumps . . . but sometimes they are like soggy bags.
=== I think you could use an elephant's foot turned upside down as a dinner table.
===== For sure the ones that aren't too soggy.
=== Here's your table.
===== It's weird how their toenails grow straight into the ground. It seems like that would cause problems, like you are always stomping the nail back up to where it grew out of.
=== I never thought of that. Like if we were kicking the wall all day long.
===== Yeah, exactly. But kicking it with a foot that weighed 3 tons.

Nikolas May won't go away

}} Your eye just changed, I saw it.
]] You saw my eye change?
}} Yeah. Watch, I'll do something with my eyes.
((He does something with his eyes))
]] Was that a stare?
}} It wasn't a stare. It was a force.
]] Do you know what that's called?
}} No, what?
]] Fresh Eyes.

Nikolas May

}} Did you have a nightmare?
{{ No.
}} I did.
{{ Was it scary?
}} Yeah, but also funny.
{{ Let's hear this funny nightmare.
}} And scary.
{{ Let's hear this funny/scary nightmare.
}} There was this guy, with BIG eyes. He's called the Lovemonster. And he wanted my toys. When I told him no his face got mad, like this.

most gracious landlord is bored

Ω Hey I bought some shaving stuff online and I shipped it to your address 'cause I don't know my new one yet. Just so you know.
∂ Who do you think you are?
Ω A former tenant to a most gracious landlord, why?
∂ Just making sure we think you are the same person.

awesome treat

:: Do you like necco?

:::: No. Not really.
:::::: Once when I was about 9 our neighbor lady gave us some of those and I think she thought it was an awesome treat.

mysteries of body, full-length

:: I have been a little sick. I will just keep it up, and probably get my tonsils out.
:: I want mine out so bad! I always daydream of the perfected body which doens't get sore throats or tonsil poops! I had the biggest tonsil poop in the world the other day. I wanted to barf it was so big.
:: Is a tonsil poop the yellow bead of poop smell?
:: Yeah, yellow/white. Super smelly.
:: Yeah. Those come from tonsils?
:: LUDICROUS smelly if you squish it.
:: I KNOW.
:: Yup.
:: Where did you learn that?
:: It was a recent discovery that they came from tonsils.
:: HOLY CRAP. Have we ever talked about them before? Me and my brother always do, but it seems like no one else ever knows what we're talking about.
:: Well me and my friend Gabe kind of put it together from personal experiences. and I now know it to be true because sometimes I can feel that there's one back there and if I open way wide and look in with proper light, I can see it comeing out, pooping out if you will...
:: Really??
:: And one time since me and Gabe came up with that, I was at the doctor for being kind of sick and I had been having extra tonsil poops and he looked in my mouth and was like "Oh yeah, for sure blah blah blah is wrong. Looks like you have got red tonsils, with [i can't remember the doctor's word for tonsil poop] on them."
:: Whoa. I'm so glad I'm learning this.
:: I don't know if we have talked about them before. I talked about it with Dallan and Tyler. Dallan knows all about them. He can reach back with his finger and grab them whenever he wants. Tyler has never had one in his life.
:: Those were probably the biggest unsolved mystery in my life
:: I think it's puss or rot of some sort. Or sore throat in its purest form. Sometimes leftover from sickness of the past.
:: My brother first taught me to squish them. Then I was blown away.
:: Yeah Gabe taught me. In fact I never realized they even smelled before Gabe. So I smelled the next one and was so grossed out. Then I was blown away when I squished one. The sickest thing ever. It's so smelly that I am convinced that they are the root of all bad breath.
:: Now I know it's my tonsils' fault.
:: And I always imagine that tonsils are just a bag full of those.
:: Seems like if they stayed in long enough they might turn into pearls though.
:: So stinky of pearls. Have you ever been able to feel one back there? I can sometimes, then i have to do all sorts of crazy crap to get it to poop out.
:: Yeah. Sometimes. I feel it coming and I kind of push it out.
:: But it's true that a lot of people have no idea. Either they didn't put enough thought into it, or else they don't get them.
:: Yeah. I think a lot of people would probably think it's just old food coming out of teeth or something. They've never squished them and recognized them as something far different, separate and way stinky.
:: I think maybe that's what I used to think a long time ago? Old bread or something. Hamburger bun.
:: Yeah. I never even thought about them.
:: Spencer sent me a link to all the body parts you can live without. I want to get them all out.
:: Cool. are there lots?
:: Yeah like 25. Various weird little fake organs and bones and muscles.
:: What about like eyebrows? And boy nipples. Can we survive without those?
:: Yes. definitely. But they can be stimulated to produce milk apparently. I guess through some sort of hormones.
:: Another reason to get rid of them.
:: That would be fun to try. Make our own milk.
:: Eww.
:: Would you drink it?!?!?!
:: No way.
:: Yeah but would you rather drink your own or someone else's?
:: I bet mine, unless it looked way grosser. If mine was greenish and yours was all white, I'd probably drink yours.
:: Good point. I hope mine is white.

Napster

::o:: You know that Maria Taylor album you gave me? And its case?
o::o Yeah.
::o:: And the wooden form?
o::o Yeah.
::o:: And the necklace it's wearing?
o::o Yeah.
::o:: And the pendant on the necklace?
o::o Yeah.
::0:: And the figure on the pendant?
o::o Yeah.
::o:: I think that's a napster.
o::o Oh my gosh you're right.

Married Life

:::: I feel like being married would make working so much easier, just have a boring schedule and go to bed at like 10.
:: Being married would be so easy. You're not out to all hours of the night with your girlfriend.
:::: Yeah, instead you can just go to sleep and you don't even have to talk to her. Because I am imagining you probably run out of things to say when you are married. Or at least I would hope so.
:: I think she keeps telling you she wants a kid.
:::: Oh yeah. What do you even say to that?

What's Going On

:: I'm not like, "Here's what's going on."
:::: Maybe coz nobody's like, "What's going on?"
:: Maybe.
:::: I'm sorry.

Mr. Robert

:::: No Vegas for you?
:: No ma'am. What about you?
:::: Just got home last night. No Vegas please.
:: Back from Nippon?
:::: Yes, from my country. I'm so glad to be home.
:: Welcome. You are always welcome among my countryfolk.
:::: Arigato Mr. Robert.
:: Ha. Robert?
:::: Domo Arigato Mr. Robert . . . it's a song.
:: Haha. It's Mr. Roboto. Did you just Americanize it for me?
:::: No way!!! I thought it was Robert!!! I am sure it's Robert.
:: I'm dying.

Nintendo Wii

:: Have you played Nintendo Wii yet?
:::: Never.
:: You can download games on it for like $6 each from old systems. If it gets to the point where it has all the old Mario and Sonic games, I will buy it in a second.
:::: That's exactly what we need.
:: All official. Not crappy rips or emulators.
:::: Right.
:: Every girl and boy needs one if that could happen.
:::: They should have been making each new system capable of playing old games as well from the beginning. Not just ditching them out.
:: I think in the beginning everyone thought "our new system is far superior. There is no way anyone will ever want to play those old games again."
:::: I'm scared of game systems, that if I get the right one I will be stuck inside my house for the rest of my life and turn into Golem.
:: If Wii gets all those old games, it's worth turning into Golem.

Cat Blog

<< Have you ever read a cat blog? >> Can't say that I have.
<< Here's one.
>> I think I prefer the dog.
<< Me too.

Dog Blog

<< Have you ever read a dog blog? >> No.
<< Here is one.
>> Amazing writer.
<< Yeah. That's what impressed me most.

Messenged

> Getting Ren to download IM was a mistake. Every day he's like "hi" and i'm like "yes?" and he's like "whats up?" And then that's it. As if when he signs on like he walked into a real room of people and feels obligated to say hi to everyone.
>> Seems like in 2000 when I first got messenger I thought like that a little bit.
>>> I don't think I ever thought that.
>>>> Like if you're logged on but you're not talking you're just ignoring them like a jerk.
>>>>> Like walking right past them without acknowledging them.

Banana again

:-: Mel, I need you to break my banana in half.
:-:-: I gotta take the sticker off. Stickers throw it off.
(broken banana sound)
:-: Thanks, I can see your handprints.
:-:-: Oh, sorry.
:-: That's okay, I think it's just a thick peel.

Dude, don't.

: I wanted to be all, "dude, don't make suckling noises with your mouth next to me in the bathroom."
::: But you didn't?
: No. Got scared.
::: Plus, what if he was all, "dude, make suckling noises with your mouth next to me in the bathroom."
: And I did? And I liked it?


(Does anyone think "smacking noises" would be better in this situation?)

Body dead, gone to hell

:.: I thought I saw a dead body in the gutter and a man pushing it with a pushbroom this morning. I was so scared.
:.:.: Eww. Sick! What was it? Anything?
:.: An alive body in the gutter and a man pushing it with a pushbroom.
:.:.: Really?? Like a pushbroom fight, or a pushbroom game?
:.: Actually I don't even think there was a pushbroom. It was just one man halfway in a storm drain and his supervisor. I guess.

Whoa, mom

::: So you came down here to switch James for Jason?
::: I came down here for a race and a hotdog.

EVEREADY

: What's your favorite animal?
:: Man, I always forget.
::: Do I remember you once saying it was the mountain goat?
:::: Oh yeah. Yes. The mountain goat. I can't believe how it runs around on cliffs like that.
::: My favorite animal is Eveready Cat.
:: Oh, that battery cat with 9 lives that bounces back for extra life?
: Yeah. It recovers power between uses.

Infinite in Finite

Q—How can something infinite like the atonement happen in a finite period of time?
A—It takes an infinite being.

Q—How can something that lasts forever like a Craftsman wrench be made in a matter of hours?
A—Some guy and some machines probably.

When I Was a Teenager...

::»Look, all I'm getting at is . . . I've never met anyone like you. So you can take that for whatever it's worth.
::::»I think I can safely say I've never met anyone like you, either.
::»You haven't, have you.

adventitious

: i'm sorry.
:: no hard feelings. feelings are as soft as ever.
::: soft like downfeathers?
:::: yes. how is work?
::::: Jon has a job where he's on messenger and sometimes he tells me secrets.
:::::: it's his job to be on messenger? sweet.
::::::: PART of his job. come one. come all. come on.
:::::::: well, still. want to hear an awesome word?
::::::::: can I hear it?
::::::::: if you say it out loud: adventitious.
:::::::: i did. crazy.
::::::: i like it. it's new. trying to use it is hard though.
:::::: yeah. I probably won't. You should put it in a fun tongue twister or something.
::::: making up clever rhymes and/or ditties is not my forte, unfortunately.
:::: make it a story about a girl named Tricia trick-or-treating maybe. and nutrition should be in there. Little Tricia trick-or-treating . . .
::: carry on. . .
:: I'm stuck.
:little tricia trick-or-treating, adventitious, no nutrition, go back home, back to the kitchen

Picking up Chicks

~~Don't ever turn thirty. Or even go through pu-berty.
~~~~Don't talk to me dirty.
~~~~~~I'm just trying to be flirty.
~~~~~~~~Get off my pro-perty. You're too wordy and nerdy.

Fearing & Hoping

-Is it possible for your greatest fear to be your greatest hope?
--Is it possible for your greatest fear to not be your greatest hope?
---Yes. Obviously.
----Okay. Now back to your question. What is your greatest fear?
-----To lose my will to hypnotists.
------Is that your greatest hope?
-------No. Not even close. But sometimes I have fears that I see on the flipside as hopes.
--------Like what?


---------Yeah. Like what?

censored and banned

(A brilliant dialogue about colors, flavors and exclusive terminology that culminated with a TV show called Slaved by the Bell)

Banana//Paper Clip

-I'm gonna stab my banana with this paper clip right before I eat it.
--Okay.
---Because It's just gonna be a tiny hole anyway and I'm gonna eat it right after. Unless you do.
----I won't.
---But do you want to?
--Kind of.
-We can share. I'll stab it twice. Or do you want to stab your side by yourself?
--Does my side have to be stabbed?
---I think so.
----I'll do it myself.

Biggest Day

—Yesterday was the biggest day ever!
——How big?
———As big as my dad!
————How big is your dad?
—————Thirty-Six!
——————whoa.

One Sill a Bull

– The bull is too big.
–– No bull is too big.
––– You sound like big Paul B.
–––– Thanks, you look like John H.
––––– 'Coz I'm strong right?
–––––– Yeah. Wait, I sound like Paul B?
––––––– Um. I think? Wait—
–––––––– Babe the big blue ox was an ox not a bull.
––––––––– You're right. You don't sound like Paul B. Who had a big bull?
–––––––––– New South Wales.
––––––––––– Okay. You sound like New South Wales.

Cinnamon pt. 2

• So what happened to you?
••• Oh. So do you know Cinnamon Spoon?
• No.
••• But you know cinnamon.
• Right and I know spoon.
••• Cinnamon Spoon is the game of trying to eat a giant heaping spoonful of cinnamon.
• That doesn't sound like a game it sounds like a torture.
••• Yeah, it is a torture. It was my first torture and I almost died. Cinnamon dust coats your mouth and throat and nasal passages and suffocates you.
• Wow.
••• I cried my eyes out. It burned and sanded my throat.
• I'm sorry. So you're trying to heal?
••• Yeah. I think I've cleared my head of all cinnamon pockets so I'm feeling okay. My uvula is still a little swollen. Don't play Cinnamon Spoon.
• I wouldn't dream of it. Are you going to go to the soirée this soir?
••• Yeah, I'll be there. With root beer.

Cinnamon pt. 1

• Do you know Cinnamon?
••• Who?
• You know, like Cinnamon Roll, Cinnamon Bun . . .
••• Oh. Yeah.
• Do you know where he is?

Duty

~~ does your work have a fridge full of food to steal?
~ mmmm, not really
~~ mine has 2 fridges. i have been working diligently each day after 6 to eat everything possible that i would eat out of them before i leave this job
~ are they snacks provided for employees, or ones that employees leave in them?
~~ ones employees leave for too long. the rule on the fridge clearly states that anything left past each friday will be thrown away, but in reality no one ever follows through on this. so i have taken it upon myself to eat everyone's lean cuisines and snackpacks, and to drink their slim fast. it is my duty. jew-ty. my jew-ty.
~ You are very responsible

Kitchen Futon

•• i am really liking your dining area. you put up the giganticus picture, and it looks awesome
• thank you. It matches the kitchen futon
•• which is a funny piece of furniture, but cool. it's like a booth. or if you get too tired cooking you can just rest for a bit
• yeah. or if you burn your turkey and you need to lie down and cry.
•• or if your manicotti is hard around the edges you can sit back down with the betty crocker book and reread to make sure you did it right

Mark 12:14–17

• Is it lawful to give tribute to Caesar, or not? Shall we give, or shall we not give?
•• Bring me a penny, that I may see it. Whose is this image and superscription?
• Caesar's
•• Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.

And they marvelled at him.

Computer Talk

• The latest news

•• ADODB.Field error '800a0bcd'

• Either BOF or EOF is True, or the current record has been deleted.

•• Is that a threat or a promise?

• Both. Requested operation requires a current record.

Tandem Bike Day

1 have you ridden a tandem bike before?
2 no, have you?
1 no. so obviously I need to. I needs do things previously undone.
2 certainly.
1 You wanna help me?
2 yes. yes i do.
1 awesome. Saturday . . . morning?
wait. that's tomorrow?
yeah. tomorrow.
2 yeah. saturday morning it is.
1 k. I shall call you in the morningtime.
2 okay.

On One

• You see those brownies back there?
•• Yeah.
• You know you wanna dig in.
•• I'll know when I wanna dig in.
• You'll know because I'll tell you.
•• Ha.
• You want the spider again?
•• No! No! I'll eat them! I'll eat them all!
• Put it on yourself.
(He puts it on himself)

DAY16

• She adjusted his bow tie like a lobster would. Her hands are big juicy claws. Or pinchers I mean.
•• I bet his bow tie is ruined.
• Chopped to ribbons.
•• A bow tie is just a ribbon anyway. Only presents and clowns wear those.
• Wait. Clowns wear ribbons?
•• I mean clowns wear those bow ties that spin around. Only presents and prize pigs wear ribbons.
• Blue Ribbons.

DAY15

• I don't usually hit the ground running.
•• Me neither. Sometimes I don't even hit the ground.
• You can fly?
•• No, but I can float.
• Anyway, this last time I did hit the ground running, and these other guys around me did too, and this one funny one yells, 'We just hit the ground racing!'
•• That's the way the cookie crumbles.

Burt's Bees

^ Everyone loves Burt's Bees now.
^^ Yeah, they kind of do. It's pretty good though. I thought it would taste like bees, but it doesn't.
^ Even though I've never tasted bee, I know I would recognize it. Like if I put on lip balm that tasted like bee I would be all, "eww, that tastes like bee!" or "mmmm, that tastes just like bee!" maybe.
^^ And that's what I meant too. I've never had bee, but bee has had me.
^ Bee has had you?
^^ Yeah. This one bee was on my arm once, licking my skin, then it stung me. Probably because I told it to kiss it and piss it.
^ Ha. You know what I thought?
^^ What?
^ I thought once when I saw Burt's Bees that it was Burst Bees. Can you imagine?

Short Triablahg

Hey Rachel, This is Glen.

• Hi Glen, nice to meet you.
• Nice to meet you too, Rachel.
• So, you're the new guy?
• Yeah.
• Did you steal my chair?

Q&A is more like it.

"Is that Travis's little playground?"
"No."

DAY14

+ If I could stop bleeding! Wait, what did you say?
+ Would you please take a bath?
+ Yeah, if I could stop bleeding! A bath will do me no good.
+ You wouldn't smell like an over-handled trophy.
+ Well when I'm bled to empty death you can taxiderm me into a trophy! And over-handle me!
+ Maybe if you go to sleep it will stop.
+ Really?
+ Yeah, your heart stops when you sleep. Plus you don't yell when you're asleep. Or stink as much.
+ Well the full moon is too bright for sleep.
+ But not too bright to smell like a trophy.

No high peepee for you, my boy.

™ Mel's so fat he can't even give your portfolio an A.
™ That’s not a joke, just true. Did you get an A?
™ No way. Who knows what I got. I think a B-.
™ And you still love Mel . . .
™ I didn't exactly go about earning high peepee scores last semester.
™ I'm sorry, what? High peepee scores?
™ Sorry. I'm laughing at myself. I don't know why, but that's the word that seemed like it deserved to go there. No real reason I guess.
™ Well, ok. No high peepee for you, my boy. None at all.
™ I love this— I'm sorry, what? High peepee scores?

Liaise

: I just thought the word harangue. And then the word liaise. Spellcheck those.
: I actually was doing harangue when you demanded that. It's right. And liaise is right too. And weird. I don't really like it.
: What?? I love it.
: Liaise? Use it.
: (I hate liaison)
: (me too)
: I'm going to liaise with Nick later at our house.
: I'm not convinced.
: We'll liaise about our days.
: Liaisey daze.
: sick.
: You're the one who likes it.

Death Dealer

: What about your covert, riotous love life? If that's what it is . . .
. I've put it to rest . . . Emma won't talk to me anymore, and I don't want to deal with drama.
: The only dealing with drama you should do is dealing death to it.

Asymmetrical Hair

: you doing anything above and beyond boring tonight?
: nah. you?
: well. if I'm mad enough at it—cut my hair off.
: do you always cut your own hair?
: for a while now. mostly I just buzz it, but maybe I'll try something different. something hip.
: hip is good. i saw my first real-life asymmetrical haircut yesterday at church.
: intentional? hip?
: i loved it. i would never do it. but i loved it.
: I don't even know how to imagine it.
: i can get you a visual.
: that would help.
: you can kind of see the hair in this picture. it looks better now but that's the idea.
: ha. looks like a cocker spaniel with a short ear and a long ear.
: haha. yes it does.
: it's too crazy. It seems like something's wrong. with the health of the person. like they had to get one side short so that doctors could do surgery on their brain.
: i hear you learn all about that in neuroscience school.
: yeah. Which haircuts to give.
: and which to get.

Pegasus

: hi. what are you up to?
: the least i've ever been up to.

Nimble Little Line Rider

» i just got a backflip. first ever
— and I got a full front flip
» yeah!
— congrats, by the way
» thanks
— I made line rider do the splits just now
» ha. nimble little line rider
— haha
» i just got splits too! i had no idea they'd make me so happy
— have you tried loop de loop yet?
» whoa. no
— well. I've been trying. I got him in the loop and around it, but then he's trapped inside
» oh dear. oh yes. he is trapped
— Mr. Line Rider is very brave
» he really is. and loyal. he'd ride any line for you. he rides the line
— ha. That's what he does. He's made up his mind

Peers are Priceless

*Peers are priceless.
»They are good.
*Priceless.
»What about when someone is peerless? That's a good thing, right?
*Yeah. It's supposed to be. They have no peer.
»What's a peer?
*Um. Isn't it basically an equal?
»Yeah. Kind of like an age equal.
*Ha. When someone's peerless they have no one the same age.
»Ha. I guess different kinds of equal not just age.
*But mostly age. Those are the priceless ones. It sucks to have no one the same age.
»Yeah. If you are peerless you turn out weird like a kid who acts like a dad.
*That's why peers are priceless.

Picture a dog

*i saw an awesome thing this morning
*I wanna see
*picture a dog waiting for a "walk" signal and then crossing the crosswalk. seriously
*ha. big or little?
*medium, black, nice looking
*One of Pavlov's probably. a grandpa riding his bike with a nice tan pointed right at me when I drove by, and every car after me
*how much apparel was he clad with?
*hmmm. I think he was all farmered with pants and a flannel, but the sleeves were rolled up. and I don't know how many buttons unbuttoned
*awesome. my dad wears flannel all through the summer. why?

Goth Prom

Is Veronica going to goth prom?

should we talk about her?

oh. Uh. I guess that question is the answer no.

nevermind. i just meant that should i give you her beans? maybe it's not a big deal at all. no. or, not a.

It didn't seem like a big deal, just that question, when I asked it.

yes. she is. i'm sorry for the unnecessary reaction.

that's ok I guess. It kind of startled me.

me too.

Sincerity. So light.

» If your specialty were recognizing people's specialties—
« it's cool.
» maybe that'd even be fantastic.
« It would be pretty awesome. Here's why I think: I never know what to talk to people about, but people love talking about their own specialty. So at least I could be more personable.
» Yeah. That's what i was getting at.
« Good girl. Can you believe "good girl" was my idea of a compliment just then?
» No. I'm trying not to believe it.
« Sometimes I'm way wrong like that.
» Yeah. But i know that your wrong is meant as right usually.
« You're so sincere these days. Good girl.
» Ha. Something's gotten into me. Sincerity.
« Don't you think sincerity is refreshing?
» Definitely. So light.

Visual Infant Sucks too much

Visual Infant sucks too mucks.
But you love that about it.
No. I love that it sucks, but not when it sucks too mucks.
Isn't Visual Infant just you anyway?
Yeah. I guess I suck too muck.
You musk ox.
Man, I suck too musk.
Obviously you were going to say that.
Obviously I did. Can I suck two bucks off you?
For what?
King Tut's pink butt.
What?
To buy a burrito.
To munch a 2-buck lunch?
To crunch a bunch of junk.

Moods.

Riding a motorcycle you stole.